Saturday, August 1, 2009

one dirty Ole' heart, in need of some overdue cleaning...

While I was being pampered yesterday getting my hair done, I brought my new found love, the book that I found the other day. It seems like everything in that book was written for me and for my situation right now. Hmmm.... I know I shared some of it with you the other day, but I just can't get over how that book is just the thing that I needed to read right now. Not to mention that ever since I started reading that book and praying more, Mr. Meany has left me alone more:)Last night I just got the highlighter out and started highlighting everything that applied to me and what I needed to read again. Before long, I had highlighted almost every word that I had read, hmmm.... This is one thing that I read yesterday that blessed me and scared me.
In order to accomplish this, you have to examine your life closely. You have to be brave enough to say, "Lord, show me what is in my heart, soul , mind, spirit and life that shouldn't be there. Teach me what I am not understanding. Convict me where I am missing the mark. Tear down my arrogance, pride, fear and insecurities, and help me to see the truth about myself, my life, and my circumstance. Expose me to myself, Lord. I can take it. Enable me to correct the error of my ways. Help me to replace lies with truth and make changes that last."

That's pretty scary right there. Do we really want to see what is in our hearts, minds, souls and spirits? I am stubborn. When I get my feelings hurt, I have a hard time forgetting and forgiving someone or something. I let it eat at me and then I am always on the alert waiting for it to happen again. I know this is wrong. I hate that I do this. I am a sensitive person and it drives me crazy! I don't want to hold grudges against anyone or anything. When we choose not to forgive, we end up walking in the dark. Because we can't see clearly, we stumble around in confusion. This throws our judgement off and we make mistakes. We become weak, sick and bitter. Other people notice all this because unforgiveness shows in the face, words, and actions of those who have it. They see it, Even if they can't specifically identify what it is, and they don't feel comfortable around it. When we choose to forgive, not only do we benefit, but so do the people around us. I want to start now! I am praying for forgiveness for holding these unforgiving feelings towards those that have hurt me in the past. I am praying that I will pray for them more than I pray for myself. I know that even though it is people who do evil things to us, we have to keep in mind that it is our ultimate enemy, the devil, who is behind it. I want to move on into all God has for me to do. Help me to hold on strong to the Lord and to walk close to Him. Only then can I become closer to what his perfect will is for me and for my family.

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