My life picnic...

Wasn't the weather just beautiful this weekend? I was so ready for some warm weather! It couldn't have come on a better weekend! We went after church yesterday to Botanical Gardens and had a picnic and walked around in the  WARM SUNSHINE and just enjoyed it! The girls had a blast running around everywhere and Eve was feeling much better! We went and got icecream and enjoyed riding around with the top back in the car! It felt like spring!!! Today... not so much, but that's okay, because I know warm weather is on it's way again soon.

We had a good church service yesterday too. I just love our preacher and his wife. They are such wonderful , down to earth people, and I love them deeply! Speaking of picnics... the preacher was preaching yesterday about how not everyday of your life as a christian will be a picnic! That's the truth! I feel like that I am in a rut and can't get out! I blame it on no one but myself though. I DONT take enough time to be alone with God like I should. I let other things in life consume my attention. Why do I do this? I have this deep down burning to do God's work but the problem is that is is DEEP down under other things that I put before it. I don't want to get to Heaven and face God with what I have done with my life, I would be ashamed! I would never be able to look into His face and feel proud of what I did so far on this earth. Let's back up for just a moment... I was raised in church. Both my parents were saved before I was born. I never knew anything other than going to church when the doors were open. I remember sitting in church as a child, and feeling God tugging at my heart. I would negotiate with Him. I would say things like " if you let me wait until another day to get saved, I promise I will, please don't let the rapture take place until then and please don't let me die until I do". I did that for years!!!! I never told anyone that before. Then I remember being so scared that I couldn't sleep at night for a good year. I would lay in bed and say "I love God, I hate the Devil, I love God I hate the devil". See... the devil was trying so hard to take control of my life and I could feel it! I was about 10 then. I would ask God to save me over and over to myself all the time but it wasn't at the right time, it was at my time. Now don't think I was a bad child. I was very good. I strived to be as good as I could. When I got in my teens, I started trying a few things like other teens would do but not much. I still was very good. Never tried drugs, didn't hardly drink, I knew that all those things were wrong. I was raised right. When I was in 10th grade, I was 15 years old, I was sitting in church with my parents and I knew that I couldn't wait any longer! My heart was about to bust open. I didn't negotiate any that day with God, but the devil sure was doing his. He kept saying, "don't go up there in front of all those people, look... that guy you like is sitting back there watching you, he will make fun of you". But do you think I cared that day? NOWAY!!  I got up, walked down that aisle and BEGGED God to come into my heart! I remember that next week feeling so at peace with my life. I was seeing things in such a new light. Even nature looked better to me! I started reading my Bible at night and praying like I should. But that didn't last like it should. I didn't finish reading my Bible all the way through. I let other things consume me and take the higher priority in my life (kinda like now). I never really surrendered my life to God for Him to lead me and use me. I have NEVER done that until now. I have wasted so many years just being a child of God and not doing anything for Him. I am so ashamed of myself!! I don't deserve anything that He has done for me! I feel so worthless and unuseable so much. Their are people that God has let enter my life that at the time I wished I never would have known but now I know why God put them there. See I am starting to see things differently. I am started to see why God let so many things happen in my life and why. I was at the lowest of low in my life when I met Jason. I was not going to church hardly ever, I think it had been a good 2 months!! I was in hiding and I didn't want anyone to know what had just happened in my life. Many of you aren't even aware of what I am talking about. (that's a whole other story) The day I saw Jason, my eyes opened up again. Please don't take this the wrong way, but he was not what I was looking for. But that day, for some reason, he was the only thing that caught my attention! God sent him to me and He sent me to him. I have no doubt in my mind that God led us straight to each other. See Jason was raised in church all his life too, He got saved as a young child and was living a life somewhat like mine. When I met him he was starting to stray and God put us together to help each other, to love each other, to start a family together, to fix each others weaknesses, to build a mission with each other, and to fullfill God's plan in our lives together! We both are trying now to do God's will. Jason knows the Bible so much better than me. He amazes me at how much he knows. I keep telling myself that God allowed me to teach Sunday school so I could learn the Bible as I teach. Just because you were raised in church doesn't mean you listened. I heard bits and peices, and then I tuned it out. My point is... I don't want to waste my life anymore. I am noticing that things that meant so much to me, that are consuming my life are starting to mean less to me as the days go by. God is working, and He hasn't gave up on me yet, I pray that He never does. I want to be His clay, and I want to moldable. Do you?